on valentine's day

Happy Valentine everyone...

yach aku lagi kehabisan ide mo ngapain valentine ini... lagian aku ngga boleh dinner (officially, tapi kalo snackings nya dihitung dan dijumlahkan, barangkali kalorinya bisa 3 kali lipat sepiring nasi hehehe).... jadi ngga ada candle light dinner deh.... hiks....

mmm.... so... nothing was unusual.... except saying happy valentine to each other in the morning and a little bit of extra kiss in the cheeks....

then... i received a sms text message from someone from the past.... i know him when i was a part-time lecturer (after i finished my bachelor study).... he came to visit me sometimes and brought me things.... a bouquet of flowers his sister made, specialties from his hometown, fruits.... he's nice.... but, honestly, i was a bit scared coz he kinda does mind reading or character reading....and at that time i was in a relationship... i wanted to be faithful to my then-boyfriend...

there was never any relationship between i and that man... and i did not contact him anymore eversince i left my country... in fact i had never started the contacts, i only reply or accept his calls out of politeness.....

once, on my birthday, i was in indonesia and he knew that i was coming home. he came from a faraway city and he gave me a ring with a heart-shaped piece on top.... i did not want to accept it, though i was still "jomblo" at that time... but he asked me to accept it, saying that it would be the last gift he gave me.... so i did....

i tried not to give him any hope (never! it's so cruel to do otherwise)...tried to be rough yet still polite... i told him that i already have someone else *my kangmas*, i told him that i'm getting married with my kangmas....... just to make him give up on me and find another who loves him and can make him happy.... i want him to continue with his life.....

yet, he still sends me sms on special dates... religious or chinese holidays, my birthdays, valentines.....

i just hope... that soon he will find someone (in fact i never ask him if he has any girlfriend now) and i hope that he can love her with all his heart..... there are stories, i know, of someone marrying someone else but there is another person in his/ her heart.... that's sad....

and honestly, sometimes i feared that it might happen to me *God, i hope it won't* .... i also hope that i won't be the "other" person forever in other people's life....

i think we just have to love whoever we marry... whole-heartedly... though, i know this is the ideal and things are not always ideal....

ah anyway........