about a 2nd child

We've discussed about this few times before. And we are both still not sure whether it will be wise to have a 2nd child. There are so many things to be considered. I do not care much about what other people say or think, coz they won't be the one paying for my child(ren) tuition fees nor be there e.g. when the children throw tantrum.

Anyway, time is running out, I'll be 35 soon enough, so I decided that I should get a checkup today and then we would be in a better position to decide. So everything's ok. There's no problem with my vaccination. And even though I've gained quite a lot of weight after giving birth (and being a stay at home mom), there's nothing wrong with my blood pressure. As regards my family history of diabetes, the doctor said that as I did not develop gestational diabetes during my 1st pregnancy, the chance is good that I will not develop DM later in life (but I think I still have to be careful about this), so I do not need to be tested for DM. I'd planned not to get pap smear this time but the doctor took a sample anyway, so ok, next week I'll get the result.

I just want to write down the pros and cons from my point of view, for my own review

PROs

* Tio is getting almost 100% of our attention now and I think having a sibling would do him good, that he will learn to share with and care for his sibling, they will have squabbles and I think it will be good for both of them too (provided we do things right as parents)

* Tio will have someone to play with and grow up together with, and later in life, maybe someone to talk with or share problems with (again, provided we do our things right as parents). I and my sister do not talk much and do not care much about each other, and I know many others who don't, but I know that it could have been different. Though it's still very far in the future I'm thinking of the time when Tio will get married or when his parents are old. We'll be old enough, in our 60s) by the time he's in his 30s. Having a close relative to share his burden with will be a relieve, I hope.

CONs

I am not sure whether I will be able to manage with two children, physically, mentally, financially.

* We can enroll Tio to the nursery for most part of the morning, but that does not really solve the problem. We still have to wisely manage to share our love and attention for each child (which is now seems impossible, it feels like 100% of our love is only for him).

* Tio is not a difficult child, but as a child he had his moments when he really tried my patience. I'm afraid that my impatience and anger really cause damage to the child(ren). This is the hardest part of being a parent to me, moreover I'm afraid that I would do as my parents did and end up being just like them.

* Also his night waking, when he wakes up crying during the first few hours of his sleep, it will be difficult for us to let him sleep alone in another room. Till now he's co-sleeping with us, in another bed, but when another baby comes it will be better for everyone if we move him to another room.

* Having a child means I have to stay at home for another, at least 2.5 yrs. I have difficulty trusting other people to care for my child (as I am not easily satisfied with someone else's quality of work and standard of hygiene). Learning from my experience with Tio, which I still really regret, that he was given expressed milk heated on stove top while it was stored in plastic bag. I still feel angry about this but there's nothing I can do except just hoping that this will not have any negative effect on him. I don't really mind staying at home as I'm a homebody and I have chance to improve my cooking and baking skill. But I also want to get some income. Two things I miss the most from my "previous life" are being able to go to the gym every other day and facial care every week :), well but I try to get the next best things, by taking a walk around the house and doing my own facial care.

:) anyway, he and I need to do some more talking about this