NZ, so my love for you is unrequited
my dreams of raising my children and growing old with you will not come true
but still, I want to see you one day before I die
even as strangers

and before you know it your little baby is going to school
no more feeding fish in the morning... something that I keep on telling myself I'd do it tomorrow or sometime next week....
no more kisses during the day..... oh how time flies....
and the many times I wished they would leave me alone so I could do the chores or enjoyed some me time ....
and the numerous times I scolded them for trivial things just because I was tired and cranky
it's true what we say in Indonesian proverb "regret always comes too late" 
hope I could be a better parent for them.... my lovely *though super duper active* boys

so papa has to go to nz again, this time for longer... until he gets a job there or a max of 6 months

oh yes and Jeremy fell down last Thursday 21 Feb. I didn't hear any bumping noise but only the sound of him lifting up his drinking cup and of something slid down the sofa. I was washing my feet because I just went out to arrange the laundry to make sure it get some sunshine.
He bit and had a cut at the middle of his tongue. It bled a lot and he didn't want me to put ice or drink cold water. I was afraid he might need stitches. So I called papa but he didn't bring his cellphone and called Arika, a friend of ours. Because I thought papa might be at koko's school for language day preparation (the next day) and Arika is coordinating. Also she's a doctor so I thought I could ask her. She came and told me looked like it was ok, as long the blood didn't drip from his mouth usually it doesn't need stitches. That lunch time I prepared oatmeal and soft steamed egg. But in the afternoon he already ate the cone of the ice cream which is quite hard. I told him not to because his tongue is hurt and he would feel painful but he just went ahead and ate it. I anticipated his crying, but he just laughed, and at dinner time he already ate crunchies. And the next morning he ate hard crackers.... anyway I'm glad he's healed

Oh and when papa was away in NZ it was bearable, but barely :P
Oh the nightmare was when I had to take the boys out. Tio can already understand but Jeremy still runs around and made it difficult for me when we're eating out or when I had to pay for groceries.... anyway.... I think the boys suffered more because of their nagging mom :(

So we made the move to a bigger house with 2 bedrooms and the living room alone is already bigger than our previous room.  Papa said so I can get a helper and more comfortable when he has to leave for NZ again in mid March, for longer period.
The offer came on 5 Jan (if I remember correctly), just a few days before papa had to leave for NZ so we asked the housing officer if we could move in Feb. At first she said ok but later on she said she had to charge us something for the long delay. Oh well.
So we moved on Sunday 17 Feb 2013 to ST5. We requested some repair works in advance and papa came to check several times, I cleaned the room on the day of the move. We booked two khun who usually work as gardener here. But we hadn't expected that our friends would come to help us. They really made the move faster, at first we thought that we had to do it the next day. Tio played outside with our friends' children (Devan, Farrell and Bimo while Dewi played with Jeremy).
I offered some Yuppy candies around and Jeremy asked me for biscuit. But I didn't give him because he just finished lunch. So Jeremy approached tante Intan and said "tante Diah, I want biscuit" ;)) tante Diah is our friend who is so good in baking that we ordered cakes for special occasion  to her. Tante Intan is our next-next-door neighbor. Both of them wear hijab ...so everyone was laughing because of Jeremy :D
The first day we only stayed in the kids' room and ate on the floor inside the same room but it felt normal :D  after more than a year living in a studio apartment (first Latphrao Dec 2011-Apr 2012 then AIT May 2012-Feb 2013).
The first time I cleaned the house it's so dusty, but now after several days it is getting better. So tired with the cleaning coz usually it takes me only max 1 hour to get everything cleaned but now it is around 1.5 hours or more. The boys are happy they can run around.
It is lot hotter and dustier than the house in ST 7 and lots of small bugs on the floor :( and Jeremy had some raised red bumps almost every day after we moved here. But not too much and seems he's not bothered. Hope it won't be like Tio before. Perhaps Tio 's bumps were also caused by these small bugs (J's bed is our own, it's a play yard but can be used for sleeping, so it can't be the mattress).
So I don't know whether I can hire maid. Maid wouldn't bother to smash the small2 bugs when sweeping or mopping and I don't want the children to be bitten. But I am also tired everyday and my heels and bottom of my feet are already cracking and so ugly :P Oh well...

Life is, once again, taking a different turn and forcing us out of our routine.

My counseling sessions affect my life in a positive way. It feels like they bring more and more room for my little family in my heart. I am still emotional and at times easily upset, but not as easily as before.

So today papa left for Auckland at 18.45. He will go for five weeks and I haven't found anyone to help me on Saturday when I bring the kids out. Last few days were emotional. Poor Tio unjustly got scolded many times :( Last night I and papa talked, it was brimming with emotion, but I felt closer to him than ever before.  Yesterday morning J woke up with swollen left upper eyelid and insect bite marks on his ear and forehead. So we just observed and today it didn't look any better so I tried giving him Zyrtec and it helped even J spitted some of the syrup out. And he got loose stool today. Well well. Fortunately it also got better.

Papa gave me a surprise, Kindle paperwhite :) so thoughtful of him. Last time he gave me Sony Reader for a surprise, but it's difficult to read it at night that I have to use reading light (with plastic page almost as wide as the Reader). I didn't know that he noticed it. So he put the Kindle near the computer I usually use. But I did not notice it until he told me to open it hehehe. Yeah because he often brings computer thingy thingy that I don't even know what they are.  I like the Kindle even though I need to learn as it's more complicated than the Reader. Just now I bought My Sister's Keeper too at 7$ (50% off) hehehe. I'd been wanting that book but didn't want to pay the print out price. ;))

Papa and mama were emotional when it was time for farewell, the kids handled it better, Tio even kissed me and tried to comfort me. Oh I really regret the times when I shouted at him for crying... bad bad bad.....

Day 1
It went well. Jeremy did not take a nap. T & J ate dinner while watching movie at 16.30, J ate a lot, then they played together for a while. T teased J so much that J cried inconsolably, perhaps also because he was sleepy. J sweat a lot so I gave him a warm bath. Still crying after bath, he went to his bed and fell asleep at around 19.30. Oh well, I don't want to think about what time he will wake up tomorrow.
T did some coloring and drawing and talked a lot as usual :D. He said he saw a mosquito. But I couldn't find it. Until it's time for Tio to sleep, I found out that there were 2 mosquitoes inside his bed. My bad.... I checked and looks like they didn't bite him yet.
Things were good with T until he said bla bla bla after we finished praying together (the first time in a long time :P). I think I could pat myself on the back as I was not as emotional as I would have in the past. But I scolded him a little still.... bad bad bad....
The chores are done and I have to sleep early for I don't have the luxury of sleeping in late while papa prepares the breakfast for this five weeks :P.