can i?

dapat tawaran bisnis dr temanku, masukin baju2 ke indo
aku blank tp temenku udah pengalaman, jd ky nya sih lumayan krn dia dah ada channel dsb
antara yakin dan gak yakin klo bisa

si kecil gak bisa ditinggal
hubby kadang2 ke luar kota/ negeri, sedang aku gak bisa pergi belanja sendirian kan

terpikir sewa pembantu pocokan utk bantuin pas belanja.. mungkin bisa

tadi survey, hmm awalnya agak gak enak, kena macet krn sopir taxi gak ambil jalan tol yg lebih deket ke mall tujuan, abis gitu diturunin di seberang jalan krn macet itu, sedang si kecil lagi poo poo. Untung deket situ ada hotel jd numpang deh di WC nya, lumayan... lega dan bersih hehehe

Lihat sana lihat sini kynya dah dapet gambaran yg mau dibeli apa

Dipajekin donat dan es krim ama si kecil, sedang ortunya spt biasa harus beli kopi

Abis gitu pulangnya susah cari taxi, dapet supir taxi yg rada gila... salah jalan kok emosi..... ya emang kita jg meleng tp kan bukan gitu jg caranya... orang bayar jg, bukan gratisan....

hmmm anyway lesson learned, ky nya mending sewa taxi pulang pergi aja biar gampang... hope things will go smoothly

about a 2nd child

We've discussed about this few times before. And we are both still not sure whether it will be wise to have a 2nd child. There are so many things to be considered. I do not care much about what other people say or think, coz they won't be the one paying for my child(ren) tuition fees nor be there e.g. when the children throw tantrum.

Anyway, time is running out, I'll be 35 soon enough, so I decided that I should get a checkup today and then we would be in a better position to decide. So everything's ok. There's no problem with my vaccination. And even though I've gained quite a lot of weight after giving birth (and being a stay at home mom), there's nothing wrong with my blood pressure. As regards my family history of diabetes, the doctor said that as I did not develop gestational diabetes during my 1st pregnancy, the chance is good that I will not develop DM later in life (but I think I still have to be careful about this), so I do not need to be tested for DM. I'd planned not to get pap smear this time but the doctor took a sample anyway, so ok, next week I'll get the result.

I just want to write down the pros and cons from my point of view, for my own review

PROs

* Tio is getting almost 100% of our attention now and I think having a sibling would do him good, that he will learn to share with and care for his sibling, they will have squabbles and I think it will be good for both of them too (provided we do things right as parents)

* Tio will have someone to play with and grow up together with, and later in life, maybe someone to talk with or share problems with (again, provided we do our things right as parents). I and my sister do not talk much and do not care much about each other, and I know many others who don't, but I know that it could have been different. Though it's still very far in the future I'm thinking of the time when Tio will get married or when his parents are old. We'll be old enough, in our 60s) by the time he's in his 30s. Having a close relative to share his burden with will be a relieve, I hope.

CONs

I am not sure whether I will be able to manage with two children, physically, mentally, financially.

* We can enroll Tio to the nursery for most part of the morning, but that does not really solve the problem. We still have to wisely manage to share our love and attention for each child (which is now seems impossible, it feels like 100% of our love is only for him).

* Tio is not a difficult child, but as a child he had his moments when he really tried my patience. I'm afraid that my impatience and anger really cause damage to the child(ren). This is the hardest part of being a parent to me, moreover I'm afraid that I would do as my parents did and end up being just like them.

* Also his night waking, when he wakes up crying during the first few hours of his sleep, it will be difficult for us to let him sleep alone in another room. Till now he's co-sleeping with us, in another bed, but when another baby comes it will be better for everyone if we move him to another room.

* Having a child means I have to stay at home for another, at least 2.5 yrs. I have difficulty trusting other people to care for my child (as I am not easily satisfied with someone else's quality of work and standard of hygiene). Learning from my experience with Tio, which I still really regret, that he was given expressed milk heated on stove top while it was stored in plastic bag. I still feel angry about this but there's nothing I can do except just hoping that this will not have any negative effect on him. I don't really mind staying at home as I'm a homebody and I have chance to improve my cooking and baking skill. But I also want to get some income. Two things I miss the most from my "previous life" are being able to go to the gym every other day and facial care every week :), well but I try to get the next best things, by taking a walk around the house and doing my own facial care.

:) anyway, he and I need to do some more talking about this

Home alone (with Tio of course :D)

Hmmm last month DH was away for 3 weeks. He went to Laos, first for 1 week in which he gave training in Vientiane, then he was home for the weekend and went to Luang Prabang as he participated in a training.

I had worried about these 3 weeks. He had gone to Nepal for 1 week in June before Tio's bday and been away for shorter periods before, but not 3 weeks. I was sure that I could manage the daily chores but was not sure how it would feel to be alone for 3 weeks. Turned out we survived. The hardest parts were being always on the siege while doing the chores, having to take a bath while he's sleeping (and then worrying that he would wake up when I was in the bathroom) and having even limited amount of adult talk :D

Now DH is again away in Indonesia for 1 week... having conquered the 3 weeks separation, this time it feels easier. Anyway I'm still looking forward to our trip to Indonesia.... then we can have him 24 hours with us (minus the time for his big family, of course) :D

Today, 3 years ago

I'm thankful for you...
we have our ups and downs...
but today, again I am reminded, how lucky I am to have you beside me

being a mom

other than the changes in my daily routine, being a mom also makes me re-think of the way I think about myself and my relationships with others.

- I found that I am not as patient as I appeared to be (and I'd like to think of myself as reasonably patient too, in my toddler-free era :D), I lose my cool rather easily, esp. when Tio is acting up when I'm sleepy, am busy doing something, or am uneasy about something else

- of course it affect my relationship with hubby, I don't have much time to take care of him, nor as much attention as before... we barely can talk as we were both exhausted after Tio sleeps and sometimes we slept before he did (he was lying on the bed, drowsy but still awake) :D.

- my relationships with my own mom and my in-laws... we did not have much to be in touch before, but now that Tio is here, the interest is there.... it's true what they say in the books, it's something like "baby brings the grandparents (and other relatives) closer, and their baggage (incl. emotional baggage), this can be positive or negative"..... I don't have any problem with my in-laws (as it is agreed between me and hubby that we take care of comments or problems caused by our respective side of the family), but I do have problems with my own mom....

- my relationship with the helper/ nanny, of course I did not need any helper before, I could do everything by myself, I could clean up the whole house by myself and even had time to read or do something else I enjoy... but now I need one and I don't really like it coz I have a high standard for everything and most helpers can't meet my standard, i did compromise on this, but combined with other things my dislike to the helper grows even more and more :P.....and I never had any helper in the house before.... and it's difficult to find one who can understand and follow my principles in parenting....esp. if she's senior.... I think I should try to live without one.....others can do it, why can't I

- my relationships with other parents, esp during playdates... toddler can't be expected to share all the time (with Tio right now, not at all :D), to behave well, to understand that mommy has needs and has to do other things when he wants to go outside or to his friend's house..... I still don't know what to do when we are at Tio's friend's house to play or when other kids are here to play..... and I have to do small talks more often now coz other parents or even strangers in the shopping mall talked to me about babies etc. (I like this part, though)

My life today

Ehm... another update
Beberapa waktu lalu I was surprised to find that someone is following this blog. I don't think my life is interesting and my writing is even less so. Hehehe, maybe he'd mistaken this blog with someone else's blog?

Kali ini mo curhat n nulis aja ttg my daily life with Tio, ky nya yg lalu2 udah aku tulis... yg sekarang aja deh aku tulis....

Gak terasa sejak aku resign dari kerja, berat badanku jd naik drastis... yah emang sejak Tio lahir aku makannya gak dijaga... belakangan tambah gila2an aja... dng berbagai alasan
- makan biar ASI lancar
- makan sekarang yg kenyang (banget) krn gak tahu kapan lagi sempat makan (soalnya most of the time Tio will not let me be away from him, esp when I leave him with his nanny. If he's with his daddy, I can have some free time)

Tanpa kerja kantor berarti aku cuma di rumah aja, gak ada naik turun tangga, gak ada naik sepeda ke kantor.... makin parah deh.... trus aku gak berani nimbang dulu2... trus lihat foto (aku jarang banget foto, sadar klo gak fotogenik sih) shock kok aku jadi lebar banget....abis gitu nimbang makin shock deh... beratku sama dng berat terberat pas hamil

It's nobody else's fault but me....dasar doyan makan... begitu dapet excuse langsung deh diumbar....

Seminggu belakangan ini aku coba diet dikit (tapi masih 95% gagal) dan olahraga jalan pagi 20 menit... maunya sih ditingkatkan, tapi gak tahu bisa gak ya mengingat Tio klo bangun selalu cari aku.....

Dulu sebelum hamil kan aku rajin fitness... abis tahu hamil bingung mo di-freeze membershipnya atau di-terminate aja... tadinya mikir mo di-freeze aja (tetep bayar partial utk keep the membership) soalnya liat ada temen abis nglahirin bisa fitness... tapi ternyata gak segampang itu :P klo ASI sih bisa diperes sebelum pergi, tapi gak tega ninggalin Tio berdua aja ama bapaknya... sekarang pun masih....

My daily activities now

0630 wake up (papa has to wake me up, otherwise I'll sleep the morning away till Tio wakes up), bantu2 papa kerjain kerjaan rumah dikit
0700 jalan
0730 paling lambat, udah pulang
Tio bangun
suapin makan sambil nonton komputer
mandiin Tio
aku mandi
main ama Tio
1100 masak
1200 papa pulang, makan siang
1400 Tio tidur, aku bisa internetan atau tidur jg klo cape
1630 bawa Tio jalan/ kantor papa/ ke playground
1700 papa pulang
Tio makan
Tio mandi
aku mandi
main ama Tio
2230 atau 2300 paling lambat Tio tidur
aku sekarang tidur jg atau setrika baju Tio klo nanny lagi libur
dulu malem2 bisa internetan atau ngerjain job2an
sekarang lagi gak ada job... gak belain tidur malem/ subuh deh
tidur malem jg salah satu pemicu kenaikan berat badan
jd sekarang I'm lagging behind in my social life deh
coz my social life is virtual :P... I think I better start socializing in real life again....

Tio drove us insane today. He ate so little at lunch, didn't want to take his nap, but he was cranky and so whiny in the afternoon. I feel so exhausted.

Lately I couldn't find much me-time. I don't have time for social activities (incl. arisan YM :D, blog/ diary/ FB walking :D) he's so full of energy and always wants my attention.

Yesterday I and kangmas just discussed about a second child (thanks to the late coming of my period, maybe now I have 37-38 days cycle?). We agree to start trying when Tio is 2 y.o. so I start taking folic acid now and I suggested him to take it too. I will start looking for info again on what to prepare for pregnancy (vaccination, medical tests to take, etc.)

Well but today got me thinking again.... it's so exhausting raising one child.... can we manage with two? I couldn't help lashing out at Tio too earlier today. If one child can provoke me that much, how about if there are two?

Something else just crossed my mind. 1-2 years ago there was a Canadian student here, he's kind of standing out among the crowd because of his height and his acts. We often saw him coz we frequented the same food vendor. We didn't think he took any notice of us. So we were surprised that one day he approached us and talked to us. He said his ancestor was Indian (as in the native people of America) and he has the gift of seeing people's spirit. He said that both I and my husband are tiger people. We have the spirit of tiger. It's not something related to our Chinese/ Western zodiac, he said. He said we are strong but we will have territorial problem should we meet with other tigers. Well.... I admit that both I and my husband are strong and hard headed. I'm kind of afraid that we would act too hard to our children and affect them.....

For sure Tio brings us unmeasurable joy and another child will bring more joy.... but I'm worried that I will do things all wrong and damage these beautiful gifts.....

Mo ngomel ajah

Pengen ngomel ajah ttg tetangga yg kebangsaannya laen (B********h)

Anaknya (2th ++) sehari2 dibiarin aja berkeliaran di rumah2 tetangga (kami tinggal di semacam dormitory, dimana 6 rumah berjajar2 dan pintu masuk saling terhubung dng teras yg memanjang)

Mereka punya pembantu tapi cuek sekalih, si pembantu ini punya grup (mereka bukan orang Thai, kynya sodaraan atau at least satu desa) dimana salah satunya aku tahu suka ngeceng, tiap kali liat pasti lagi telpon sambil "mengasuh" anak momongannya (i.e. anak itu dibiarin di stroller, kepanasan atau deket dng orang yg lagi motong rumput pake lawnmower!!! sementara dia asyik telpon). Pembantu tetanggaku ini gak peduli anak asuhnya ada dimana. Tapi gimana gak gitu, wong mamanya sendiri aja cuek.

Jadi si anak ini sering keliaran di depan rumah2 tetangga tanpa celana, pernah ngompol di depan rumahku, pernah poo poo di depan rumah tetangga lain yg orang filipin. Waktu ngompol di depan rumah aku telp tuh rumahnya, kebetulan ada bapaknya jd si pembantu disuruh bersihin bekasnya di depan rumahku.

Bapaknya kerja di lain negara. Jd sehari2 hanya bertiga ama mama dan pembantunya. Si mama pernah bilang ama aku bhw dia selama hari kerja udah capek kerja jadi kalo pulang rumah dan weekend maunya santai. Aku gak terlalu perhatian waktu itu karena rumahnya jauh dari rumahku. Setelah mereka pindah jd tetanggaku baru aku ngerti maksudnya. I cannot help judging her. Yah, aku jg gak munafik ada pengen jg punya "me time", pengen santai kadang dan suka kesel jg klo Tio gak mau tidur2. Tapi ky nya si temenku ini bener2 cuek deh. Yah klo udah punya anak mana bisa spt itu, anaknya diumbar, dilepas berkeliaran. I mean, come on.... kamu udah punya anak, entah direncanakan atau tidak, dia udah lahir, udah jd tanggung jawabmu utk mendidik & merawat dia. Gak bisa dooong kalo pengen bener2 bertingkah as if you were single.

Kata kangmas (yg pernah diundang masuk waktu dia sama Tio) sih di rumahnya banyak sekali mainan. Mungkin itu caranya mengungkapkan kasih sayang?

Anak ini belum bisa ngomong padahal udah sekolah, mamanya nyalahin itu karena keturunan dari bapaknya yg juga terlambat in everything :P ohhoooo yah klo gak pernah ada yg ngajarin ya gimana si anak mau ngomong.....

Kasihan sih si anak ini, tapi aku gak mungkin ajak dia masuk rumahku, wong gak ada pengasuhnya trus anak ini sering batuk, ingusan dan suka jilatin pintuku, i.e. mosquito net (eeewww)... aku kasihan tapi lebih pilih to protect my own offspring dong... daripada Tio sakit ketularan dia padahal bisa dihindari. Jadi sering terpaksa kita suruh pulang si anak kalo udah berdiri di depan pintu kita sambil jilat2 gitu. Abis si Tio jg pasti mendekat trus "ngobrol" ama dia dan suka pukul2an through the mosquito net gitu deh. Yah takut jg sih ngasih contoh gak baik (mengusir orang lain :P) tapi gimana yah...

Can't she put herself in other people's shoe? Udah tahu anak batuk sakit ingusan gitu kok dibiarin keliaran. Gimana coba kalo anaknya yg dideketin orang dng penyakit menular gitu. Atau mungkin dia gak peduli jg ya? Ohhh pokoknya lagi pengen ngomel ttg tetangga satu ini....

Valentine

it's been a lovely day
started with a surprise from my loved one
I had expected nothing more special than a dine out (which, as it turned out, we did not do :D)
but he surprised me with his gift
he's so sweet and thoughtful and I'm so lucky
I mean it
I've been a lousy wife most of the times
selfish and bad cook
anyway, I really feel blessed to have him beside me

and Tio's been nice too today, though he'd carried out another of his hunger strike :D

Love you, kangmas

updates

apa yah... pengen nulis aja
aku udah dapet bayaran 2 project kemaren, hehehe lumayan deh rasanya dapet duit
tapi ada pengeluaran tak terduga jg nih soal e sepeda dicuri orang
yah buang sial deh
emang salah jg gak dikunci, abis klo pulang rumah dari jalan ama Tio suka buru2 naik atau Tio keburu jalan ke playground....
jam 13 kangmas pulang makan siang itu masih ada, tapi sore jam 17 dia pulang dari kantor udah gak ada sepedaku.... hiks.... ya sud...
- cari sepeda baru susahnya bukan main, di thammasart dulu ada toko sepeda, kemaren ke sana ternyata udah tutup
- bycicle shop disini gak ada sepeda cewek
- akhirnya tadi ke talad thai, naik taxi gelap kata bapaknya bisa dimasukkin di kursi belakang, eh ternyata gak bisa... doh bingung mana penjualnya bilang gak mau nganter... untung setelah ngeliat pak sopir kerepotan masukkin sepeda gitu si penjual akhirnya mau nganter, biarpun tambah bayar 200 Baht lagi yah gpp lah,
Gak ada sepeda sih sebetulnya gak terlalu masalah karena aku jg jarang keluar, tapi trus jadinya Tio gak bisa diajak jalan agak jauh (ke arcade, kolam renang, ke gereja, jemput papa di kantor)
Dudukan sepeda utk Tio ada di rumah (abis pake biasanya dibawa masuk), tapi gak ada jagrak nya ya gak bisa kepake lagi... mo beli jagrak nya aja gak boleh

Kerjaan baru

Dapet kerjaan baru... haish susahnya.. rasanya mo give up
tapi klo diinget2 yg kerjaan lalu2 jg awalnya susah banget udah mo give up aja tapi dijalanin bisa jg akhirnya.... tapi ya gitu deh, kurang tidur lagi :D
tapi ini awal2 begini susah banget mo mulai kerja, pengennya browsing2 gak jelas mulu.... jg fesbuk nih bikin ketagihan... haish haish haish....