To Tio

My sweet baby, I always love looking at you, closely. Now I am doing it when you are asleep. I can never stop looking at that sweet face....

My sweet baby, I always want to give you the best I can..... but sometimes I am just not sure that my best is really the best... or even if it is good enough.....From the smallest thing to the bigger things.....

I always want to do my best... so that your childhood will never be anything like mine....that your family will never be anything like mine (I am not referring to you and daddy here)..... that your life will be a lot better than mine...

And we are so blessed to have your daddy in our love... so loving, caring and supportive to me..... I am so thankful for him.....

But now I am just in my own confused mode and am questioning myself.... for things like
- my decision to stop working (and trying to work from home) and taking care of you..... is it really the best for us? should I find some serious work or maybe even continue my study?
- the way I am taking care of you.... sometimes I and your father have to fight with others for what we believe is right *again I'm so lucky to have your father on my side*.... but are those really the right things that we are doing? In your first year of life I learned that I have done some mistakes. And those can't be undone. Information is so abundant these days, sometimes it can be confusing and what is right today may not be right tomorrow....

Again, I don't even know what's the point I want to make here.... Maybe I just want to tell you... that I love you so very very much...