Today is the day

The last eight months had been so torturing.... I had been doing my preparations but we had not told the kids about it, so we did not tell our friends yet either... everyday I was looking at my surroundings with the feeling that I will not see  it again for the next few months...  the place that I had been calling home for the last seventeen years, the best seventeen years of my life so far...

It was like having my feet at two different places, I know I have to go for the sake of our family's future but at the same time I don't want to go... I applied for my visa three months before the start of my study, but there is this part of my heart that was worried that they would not grant it but also hoped that they would not... but they granted it....

After that I told my Case Manager that my visa has been granted and she took care of my OSHC... after I got the OSHC and knew when the coverage started, I bought my ticket.... it felt like the point of no return...   though actually when I accepted the scholarship offer  in November it was already the point of no return....

The last couple of weeks I had this silly thought that if I do things slowly, time would pass more slowly too .... the night before our first farewell dinner in mid June with my hubby's colleagues who are also my friends, I told my kids... I thought that J would cry but T cried more, while J only cried because he saw his brother cried....

After that it was a series of farewells to my dear friends, who have been a part of my life all this time... I teared up everytime..... and one night, T prayed for me "God, please protect mama when she is in Australia, so no bad people will hurt her", I assured her that I will be ok, that I had traveled to many places on my own, he asked me,"What if you don't know that they are bad people?", oh this boy whom I scolded so much..... I cried hard that night....

But tonight was the culmination... we went out from the house at 17.00 so we could have dinner together and the kids could send me to the airport.... we said our teary goodbyes... I was crying the whole time after we finished our dinner... my hope and the only thing I could tell my kids is that we will see each other again in December

So my lonely adventure began.... there were so many people queueing at the bag and body check area...  and we had to remove shoes/ slippers and computer/ powerbanks from the carry on bags... ohhh the smell from their smelly feet was killing me....  anyway, here I am waiting for  two hours until my boarding time....

dream comes true

As impossible as it had seemed before, my dream has come true
But unlike the time when I had to leave for Thailand (I embraced it whole-heartedly and happily, I literally leapt at the opportunity), this time my feelings are hard to describe
in my eight years of being a mother, the longest time I ever left my boys were five days
during the worst times, when I was so down, I thought that they would be better off without me
but when the possibility comes that I will have to leave them for a long time
my heart is wrenched
I am not afraid or worried of what I have to do there, but I know my heart and thoughts will always be here

sometimes it takes hearing from someone else to see the positive things in those closest to us

it is that time of the month again when my body would feel tired with no reason at all
and papa is traveling abroad for 6 days
and there's the school food fair and i have committed to prepare cookies for sale
and no school for the boys as it is closed for a day for the food fair
and the Annual Report to the donor of my project is due in another 2 working days
and I couldn't work on it before as there were so many interruptions, lack of sleep due to house chores and papa's absence and my mind just work better when it is near deadline ...
ouch....

NZ, so my love for you is unrequited
my dreams of raising my children and growing old with you will not come true
but still, I want to see you one day before I die
even as strangers

and before you know it your little baby is going to school
no more feeding fish in the morning... something that I keep on telling myself I'd do it tomorrow or sometime next week....
no more kisses during the day..... oh how time flies....
and the many times I wished they would leave me alone so I could do the chores or enjoyed some me time ....
and the numerous times I scolded them for trivial things just because I was tired and cranky
it's true what we say in Indonesian proverb "regret always comes too late" 
hope I could be a better parent for them.... my lovely *though super duper active* boys

so papa has to go to nz again, this time for longer... until he gets a job there or a max of 6 months

oh yes and Jeremy fell down last Thursday 21 Feb. I didn't hear any bumping noise but only the sound of him lifting up his drinking cup and of something slid down the sofa. I was washing my feet because I just went out to arrange the laundry to make sure it get some sunshine.
He bit and had a cut at the middle of his tongue. It bled a lot and he didn't want me to put ice or drink cold water. I was afraid he might need stitches. So I called papa but he didn't bring his cellphone and called Arika, a friend of ours. Because I thought papa might be at koko's school for language day preparation (the next day) and Arika is coordinating. Also she's a doctor so I thought I could ask her. She came and told me looked like it was ok, as long the blood didn't drip from his mouth usually it doesn't need stitches. That lunch time I prepared oatmeal and soft steamed egg. But in the afternoon he already ate the cone of the ice cream which is quite hard. I told him not to because his tongue is hurt and he would feel painful but he just went ahead and ate it. I anticipated his crying, but he just laughed, and at dinner time he already ate crunchies. And the next morning he ate hard crackers.... anyway I'm glad he's healed

Oh and when papa was away in NZ it was bearable, but barely :P
Oh the nightmare was when I had to take the boys out. Tio can already understand but Jeremy still runs around and made it difficult for me when we're eating out or when I had to pay for groceries.... anyway.... I think the boys suffered more because of their nagging mom :(

So we made the move to a bigger house with 2 bedrooms and the living room alone is already bigger than our previous room.  Papa said so I can get a helper and more comfortable when he has to leave for NZ again in mid March, for longer period.
The offer came on 5 Jan (if I remember correctly), just a few days before papa had to leave for NZ so we asked the housing officer if we could move in Feb. At first she said ok but later on she said she had to charge us something for the long delay. Oh well.
So we moved on Sunday 17 Feb 2013 to ST5. We requested some repair works in advance and papa came to check several times, I cleaned the room on the day of the move. We booked two khun who usually work as gardener here. But we hadn't expected that our friends would come to help us. They really made the move faster, at first we thought that we had to do it the next day. Tio played outside with our friends' children (Devan, Farrell and Bimo while Dewi played with Jeremy).
I offered some Yuppy candies around and Jeremy asked me for biscuit. But I didn't give him because he just finished lunch. So Jeremy approached tante Intan and said "tante Diah, I want biscuit" ;)) tante Diah is our friend who is so good in baking that we ordered cakes for special occasion  to her. Tante Intan is our next-next-door neighbor. Both of them wear hijab ...so everyone was laughing because of Jeremy :D
The first day we only stayed in the kids' room and ate on the floor inside the same room but it felt normal :D  after more than a year living in a studio apartment (first Latphrao Dec 2011-Apr 2012 then AIT May 2012-Feb 2013).
The first time I cleaned the house it's so dusty, but now after several days it is getting better. So tired with the cleaning coz usually it takes me only max 1 hour to get everything cleaned but now it is around 1.5 hours or more. The boys are happy they can run around.
It is lot hotter and dustier than the house in ST 7 and lots of small bugs on the floor :( and Jeremy had some raised red bumps almost every day after we moved here. But not too much and seems he's not bothered. Hope it won't be like Tio before. Perhaps Tio 's bumps were also caused by these small bugs (J's bed is our own, it's a play yard but can be used for sleeping, so it can't be the mattress).
So I don't know whether I can hire maid. Maid wouldn't bother to smash the small2 bugs when sweeping or mopping and I don't want the children to be bitten. But I am also tired everyday and my heels and bottom of my feet are already cracking and so ugly :P Oh well...

Life is, once again, taking a different turn and forcing us out of our routine.

My counseling sessions affect my life in a positive way. It feels like they bring more and more room for my little family in my heart. I am still emotional and at times easily upset, but not as easily as before.

So today papa left for Auckland at 18.45. He will go for five weeks and I haven't found anyone to help me on Saturday when I bring the kids out. Last few days were emotional. Poor Tio unjustly got scolded many times :( Last night I and papa talked, it was brimming with emotion, but I felt closer to him than ever before.  Yesterday morning J woke up with swollen left upper eyelid and insect bite marks on his ear and forehead. So we just observed and today it didn't look any better so I tried giving him Zyrtec and it helped even J spitted some of the syrup out. And he got loose stool today. Well well. Fortunately it also got better.

Papa gave me a surprise, Kindle paperwhite :) so thoughtful of him. Last time he gave me Sony Reader for a surprise, but it's difficult to read it at night that I have to use reading light (with plastic page almost as wide as the Reader). I didn't know that he noticed it. So he put the Kindle near the computer I usually use. But I did not notice it until he told me to open it hehehe. Yeah because he often brings computer thingy thingy that I don't even know what they are.  I like the Kindle even though I need to learn as it's more complicated than the Reader. Just now I bought My Sister's Keeper too at 7$ (50% off) hehehe. I'd been wanting that book but didn't want to pay the print out price. ;))

Papa and mama were emotional when it was time for farewell, the kids handled it better, Tio even kissed me and tried to comfort me. Oh I really regret the times when I shouted at him for crying... bad bad bad.....

Day 1
It went well. Jeremy did not take a nap. T & J ate dinner while watching movie at 16.30, J ate a lot, then they played together for a while. T teased J so much that J cried inconsolably, perhaps also because he was sleepy. J sweat a lot so I gave him a warm bath. Still crying after bath, he went to his bed and fell asleep at around 19.30. Oh well, I don't want to think about what time he will wake up tomorrow.
T did some coloring and drawing and talked a lot as usual :D. He said he saw a mosquito. But I couldn't find it. Until it's time for Tio to sleep, I found out that there were 2 mosquitoes inside his bed. My bad.... I checked and looks like they didn't bite him yet.
Things were good with T until he said bla bla bla after we finished praying together (the first time in a long time :P). I think I could pat myself on the back as I was not as emotional as I would have in the past. But I scolded him a little still.... bad bad bad....
The chores are done and I have to sleep early for I don't have the luxury of sleeping in late while papa prepares the breakfast for this five weeks :P.

We're busy with applying jobs in NZ... so far no positive response yet
It feels so fast. I've been wanting to move to NZ when I was still single, after watching Lord of the Ring and found that the shooting was done in NZ. Just before Jeremy was born we lodged the application, thinking that it would take 5-6 years (as the process to become PR in Canada). We didn't expect that it's this fast.
Anyway. We're also planning for our Christmas trip to Singapore as we cannot go to Jakarta as papa's family will be traveling away anyway. So we have to at least see my side of the family for maybe it will be a long time before we will see each other again.
I'm going to NCS for at one time I had felt that I could not take my ancient emotional burden with me anymore. It really affected me so much and my relationships with my little family. I feel that it's useful. It's as if now I really have room for my little family, a room that had previously been taken by the negative feelings. The first session was hard, I was so dizzy after that. I don't know how my counselor did that, all she did was listening and affirming my feelings. Anyway, hope I can still improve myself for the sake of my little family. 

A new development in our NZ visa application, papa was interviewed via phone. The notification letter come few weeks ago and today is the appointed date. We were both nervous. Papa did some research and I contacted my friends in NZ. In my opinion it went well, papa sounded calm and answered the questions clearly. Well, we'll have to wait for another 3 weeks to know the result.

My life now: wake up at 07.00 or later :P (papa prepares the breakfast and Tio's lunch), take a bath, pack Tio's lunchbox and Jeremy's food, ride my bike with Jeremy around AIT sometime (to buy food and, rarely, feed the fish), go home, give Jeremy a bath, browse the internet while Jeremy is playing, prepare lunch for me and Jeremy. At 13.00 my maid comes, mops the floor, irons the clothes, washes the dishes. Usually Jeremy naps from 10.00-12.00 but when he wakes up late, he naps at 12.00 or later. Then 15.00 Tio goes home. Help Tio taking his bath, cook our dinner while my maid watch the kids (mostly Jeremy as Tio can play independently now). Take a shower, set the washing machine, remove the food from the electric stove and keep the stove away so my maid can do the dishes (our kitchen is so small that if I don't keep the stove and the food the water will spray on them). The kids get hungry at 16.30 so I feed Jeremy while my maid feed Tio (must admit, I let them watch movie coz Jeremy won't sit still even for just one minute without it). Then at 18.00 my maid goes home. I prepare my own dinner just before she goes home. Papa usually comes soon after or 1-2 hours later when he has training to take care of. Then at night after sweeping the house and washing the dishes, I take some me time watching movies (first was Desperate Housewives, then Pretty Little Liars, then Gladiator, then now I start watching Heroes, it's very gruesome, I didn't know it and I watched it while eating my lunch), I usually end up sleeping at 01.00.

Our maid is good and she has good chemistry with my kids, but somehow not with me. Oh well, I have to tolerate more because I've experienced the worse. It just won't work if the maid doesn't click with the kids. She comes on Mon-Fri. On weekends I sweep and mop the house and clean the bathroom while papa iron the clothes.



Tio will have his graduation on 28 June and he will perform "If we hold on together" with his friends ;)) my big boy is going to kindergarten now. Then he will join summer school which is arranged by some of the mothers (because the school won't arrange any this time). Let's see how it goes

I had been kinda down recently. I felt like I was a failure in about everything, in being a person. Well, wrote it all off to a trusted friend and he suggested that I need to count my blessings more. I started doing that, on and off, but it started to change me. I hope it will last long.

He also said that I need to see the positive side of everything, even in things like Jeremy's crying which is often, long and inconsolable ;)) At first I almost laughed it off, what good could come from it. But suddenly it hit me (when Jeremy was in one of his crying bouts), that by habitually control my emotion when Jeremy is crying (cos Jeremy would scream even more when I or his daddy gets emotional), I can also improve my self control when Tio is crying.

I have to admit it and apologise to Tio, that whenever he cried when he was small I, or sometimes his daddy, would get so emotional that we didn't really help Tio venting off his emotion. Hope I am not too late in changing myself. I've caused much damage to my lovely eldest. Yet he's still so sweet to me. I feel like I don't deserve it.  

19 Oct went to Indo

9 Dec went back to Bangkok, stayed at Center Point Apt. Tio wanted to go back to Abloom. Center Point is ok, but Abloom is better. The room in Abloom was bigger, and the bathroom was so comfy, no bathtub but it was so easy to give bath to Jeremy. In CP I had to put J's bath tub inside the big bath tub and it's so inconvenient esp because J didnt want to sit most of the time, luckily my poor back did not give me any trouble. And in Abloom there was a washing machine operated using tokens. In CP I had to wash the laundry using J's bath tub by bending my back over the big bath tub.

10 Dec salvaging of AIT, so sad to see my house's condition. I broke into tears when I saw J's teddy bear all ruined. We went to look for Jeremy's bed and stroller in Central Chidlom which is near CP

11 Dec papa went to look for apartment. Luckily Vineeta has already booked one room for us. Otherwise we would not get this nice, clean, brand new, affordable and very near to school room. The room is a studio room, costs us 5,000 this month and 6,500 per month starting next month.

We bought fridge, electric induction stove, cooking pan and sauce pans

12 Dec morning we bought Jeremy's play yard where he will sleep in and new stroller that can be used for koko and J. Papa went to the new apt in the afternoon to receive the fridge etc that we bought the day before.

13 Dec at 13.00 checked out from CP. Then we moved to the new apartment. Jeremy slept when we were near the apt and continued sleeping in the apt. I took it as a good sign :)

When we first moved to CP Jeremy was cranky, but after some time he's back to normal again. Then now again he's a bit cranky. Hope he'll be ok soon

The room is nice and clean, I have space to wash and hang the laundry (no space for washing machine), and to give bath to Jeremy. There's water heater, but no wash basin and no space for cooking, it's a bit difficult washing the dishes in the bathroom sink. Things that can be improved: the bathroom floor is so flat that water spread everywhere instead of flowing directly to the drainage and there's no height difference between the shower part and the dry part. The lift and common washing machine are not operating yet and there's the noise from the builders' activity as the apt building is not yet 100% finished, and right outside the building the road is small and a lot of traffic, many stray dogs and their poo poo are scattered everywhere, no park or garden for the kids to play with. Anyway, I like staying in here and the children are ok too.

17 Jan 2011

still I like the place, though it's too small to keep our things and there's so much dust (sometimes I think that's why we cough so much these days)....the best things are that the room is clean and so close to Tio's school

- We went to Garuda office, packed our things and the next day, on 19 Oct we flew to Jakarta, we left some things with my very kind ex-boss who live near the airport -

The flood story has turned into a nightmare for me. On the 20 Oct I still saw pictures of my house with only 50 cm of water in front of it. And some friends also informed me that the building was still safe.
On 21 Oct morning the situation was more or less the same. But on the night of 21 Oct the nightmare came. The water almost reached the bottom part of the old aircon which is still installed in my bedroom. How my heart broke to see it. And to see other parts of AIT campus which are also submerged... to remember my happy days in that house, in those rooms... in that campus... how my boys' laughter had rung there.... how Tio learned to walk, to play, to ride bicycle there....
now we have no home to go back to... our things, though not much in monetary value but choked full with memories, are gone.... the water is expected to stay for around 4 weeks... and after that what? we can't possibly stay in that house... farms and factories are submerged... diseases will spread....
I still don't know what to do... I love my house.. I love AIt .. I love Thailand... and I'm not ready to leave the little piece of heaven that I had enjoyed for the last 12 years...

Till now, even the sight of Thai products (Tipco juice, Glico, etc) and fruit (longan, etc.) reduce me into tears...

- pic of my lovely home in its sad condition... the one at the corner, ground floor-

Thailand has been flooded for months this year. The first impact we felt was that our maid asked to go home earlier since there was news that her house would be flooded in another 2 hours.

We thought we were safe, it was in another province. We invited her and her son to stay with us in case they had to evacuate. But turned out that we had to evacuate ourselves

We had been keeping our belongings and moved some to papa's office which is on the 2nd floor, but not all and not yet ready to evacuate. A Thai friend called that Friday night 14 Oct and told us that a water gate broke, AIT and TU issued evacuation orders. So in panic we packed our things and moved to a serviced apartment in Bangkok (which turned out to be very nice, better than my expectation ;))) the kids have also been enjoying our stay

AIT was safe that night, so the next day we went back to AIT to get some more things, wash our clothes and back to Bangkok. The next day we went outing to Paragon and Villa Market. The next day we stayed at the apartment. The next day papa went back to AIT to get some more stuffs as the situation got worse around AIT. AIT is still safe (no water) till now but the areas surrounding it are already inundated. So we don't know for how long AIT will stay safe and if we are inside we won't be able to go out should we need something

Timothy has runny nose as usual, but Jeremy got sick with cold. The night before he cried so much that we got worried. Then last night he vomited and has been having blocked nose and cried again

We'd looked for apartment which is more affordable for 1 month stay in Bangkok. But now there's the news that Bangkok governor said Bangkok has 48 hours to prepare for flood
So we decided to go to Jakarta for 2 weeks

Jeremy and Timothy - the first weeks

The first night was difficult, Jeremy demanded to be fed continuously for almost 4 hours, leaving me with very sore nipples
For the next few days I had pain all over my body, from head to toe: swollen feet, sore incision wound, cracked nipples, cough, eye discharge (but doctor said it's not the contagious type as my scleras were not red)

Jeremy really looks like Timothy. Papa found pics of Timothy and when we put their pics together the resemblance is just so obvious

Jeremy is more graceful when being breastfed. According to "What to expect the 1st year" he is more of the "gourmet" type, while Timothy is the "barracuda". Jeremy would taste the nipple, smack his lips and then gracefully suckle. While Timothy would immediately charge and chase when being presented with nipple.

Jeremy can stop sucking when the breastmilk is overflowing (let down) and let the milk drips down his chin. I don't remember Timothy doing that. But both are choked and cough because the milk flow is just too much

Jeremy doesn't like to be held upright or sat down for burping. He would push his head backward so we have to hold him lying down again. Just like Timothy, he would remove the gloves or socks we put on him within 2 minutes. Both of them don't like being swaddled. Jeremy would kick and moan and try to pull his hands out.

Tio is a baby who follows text books, we can find the solutions for the problems we had with him in the books and usually the solutions work well. Or maybe because this time we didn't really have time to read all the books in advance nor when problems happened.

On the first check up at 1 week old Jeremy was suspected to have jaundice and doctor asked to get his blood tested for bilirubin level. If it's >15 then the baby has to undergo light treatment. Luckily Jeremy's was 9.8, which is lower than the threshold level of 10.
Doctor said the continuous feeding because he received nutrition all the time when he was in the womb, or maybe inadequate breastmilk. I think it's the first one :D coz I grazed when I was pregnant.
As for my checkup doctor said all's ok, the waterproof-bandage was removed and he taught hubby how to remove the "magictape"-like bandage which should be easily removed after shower.

Timothy takes all the changes well. But he clung to my sister when she and my mom were visiting. And he acted up too maybe because he knew he had other people to turn on to when his parents are upset. I realized I'm too emotional with him and had to tell myself all the time to calm down, though often times I failed. I really have to be kinder with him.

Hubby has been kinder to Timothy and now he has to take full time care of Timothy. I help when Jeremy is sleeping. Sometimes the timing was right, I could help Timothy when he needed me. But sometimes this happens: breastfeeding-poo-change of clothes-wake up-more breastfeeding-pee-change of clothes-wake up-more breastfeeding-poo-change of clothes-wake up...it could take more than one hour.

After all the convenience of taking care of a 3 yo boy, these changes are hard to take. But I just keep telling myself that this too will pass ;))

Welcome to the world, Jeremy Aadithya Prajogo

While it's still fresh on my mind :)

So on D-1 our dear friend, Vineeta, came to visit me. She was busy too with some matters but still she offered to help and bring me to the hospital. And so kindly she, her husband and daughter stayed on and accompany Agus and Tio till the evening. May God bless her and her family.

So at 8.30 we went to the hospital. I was sent to the labor room. Same procedure followed: cleaning of the abdomen, enema and starting of IV. This time the enema was not so painful as before as I was already prepared. Then I had to wait till 12.00. The nurse urged me to ask hubby to come so he could keep my belongings and sign the paper for Tubal Ligation.

At around 12.00 hubby and Tio came. Then I was brought to the OR. Actually I didn't want Tio to see me wheeled on a stretcher like that. I was afraid he would be frightened by the sight. He almost cried and said "I want to go with you" but I think he was finally diverted, thank God, because Vineeta's daughter was there (2 y.o., and Tio likes to play with her).

This time the anesthetist was a man, he's kind and speaks gently and assured me that everything will be ok, just a little bit painful and there might be some itch or nausea as the side effects. So unlike the one during Tio's birth (she was rude and told me I was not being cooperative therefore she gave me general anesthesia). My Ob-gyn has assured me that he would choose another one this time. I think he understands our feeling toward the previous anesthetist.

So I waited in the OR for some time until my Ob-gyn came (he has consultation session till 12.00). Then everything moved so fast. The spinal block was administered in less than five minutes, the curtain was draped in front of me and my legs got numb. I was given oxygen and told to take deep breaths at first and then told to breathe normally. Then the doctor prick my abdomen for testing and I didn't feel anything. In another minute the anesthetist told me that the Ob-gyn was already doing the operation and in few minutes I heard his cries. So loud and so sweet in my ears.... tears came flooding in my eyes and I saw him, so small and looks like Tio when he was born (though I didn't see Tio at all till he was 1 day old, coz of the general anesthesia). The doctor took a picture of the swollen face mom and the sweet baby and showed me after the operation was finished. Jeremy weighed 2.860 kgs and 48 cms long. Smaller than Tio :)

Then I was brought to the Recovery Room to sleep off the effect of the anesthesia for 2 hours. My legs were still numb till the evening. And I had to take full bedrest that evening, but had to change positions (alternating between lying on my back, my left and right sides). It took some efforts as the numbing effect wore off.

This morning, the nurse took off the catheter, and then the IV. I could already drink water at 06.00, ate porridge at 08.00 and walk soon afterward. They gave me painkiller pills too. So I finally met Jeremy again. He felt so small in my arms, I think much smaller than Tio and so far he seems to be more calm too, while Tio is very active :) He sucks gently and looks very graceful when trying to find the nipple, while Tio was more like a barracuda in chasing the nipple :)

On the more gross matters, the lochia did not come out until this morning. I was worried but the nurse said it was ok. It was because the doctor cleaned the site thoroughly. I could already pass urine at around noon though BM will have to wait till later as no solids were allowed yesterday.

I had to drink a lot of liquid and I took Molocco to fasten breastmilk production as the doctors and nurses seem to worry that if we didn't give anything to the baby the side effects will be bad (hypoglycemia, reduced IQ, etc.). So we decided to let the hospital to give Jeremy totally hydrolysated formula on the first day. But today I asked them to call me when he's hungry.

Tio's been ok so far. Yesterday he was diverted as he had Bavinee to play with and today he went to Future PArk for his usual Gymboree class with his daddy, my mom and my sister. We tried to keep his routine as much as usual. I gave him some small presents too (book and a 25 Baht toy car :D)

Counting down to our 2nd son's birth

Just would like to record how it feels and what happens

Compared to Tio's birth, this time around there are more of the preparations and apprehension. Tio's birth was scheduled on 11 June, but when I went to the hospital to check about the spotting I experienced on the night of 5 June, I was immediately told to have the operation that morning. This time, we are looking at the date 16 October, planning and worrying about what will happen, what arrangement will be best for Tio, how we will cope with the 4 days of me being away from him. As for me, knowing what to expect (the procedure before the operation, the operation itself and what follows) somehow makes me more apprehensive.... when I gave birth to Tio, I had read a lot about it beforehand, but nothing compares to experience the process itself.

We've got a new fulltime helper in mid of Sept. It was good that my previous helper (part time) asked to resign as she found a new job then. It gave time for Tio to know our new helper better. She's good with him and they clicked. Though Tio still doesn't let anyone else but me to dress him up, help him showering and he still asks me to bring him to school (with our helper alongside him, as he's fond of riding his own bike, and rides it so fast too, and I cannot catch up with him anymore during these last few months). But Tio doesn't mind being picked up from school by her alone. She let him ride his bike fast and she does not scold him as much as his mom does :D guess he may even be happier when mom's not picking him up. I'm also happy with her work around the house. Coming from me, a very picky "madam", it's a high compliment :)

We started preparing clothes etc. since mid of Sept too, as we also moved house on 6 Sept and had to fix things etc. after that. But I got less time to read and find more info about what to prepare etc. Actually I got time, but I also want to catch up with my reading (plan to finish reading Harry Potter the series :D but still stuck at the Order of the Phoenix) and watching Desperate Housewives (finished watching Season 6) and Twilight 1 & 2. I also want to spend some time with Papa :) as maybe we won't have much time alone after this.

Tio's been having cold and cough and last week discharge in the eyes, on and off, since he started school. It's rather hard on him and on us too and we're also worried that his brother may catch some of it from Tio. But we can worry about it later.

Papa had some early baby blues, he's worried about me and about Tio. Somehow I got upset when he told me about this, maybe because it made my worries became more real. I know I shouldn't have and I have to try and be a better wife for him, as he's a perfect husband to me. I'm so thankful of having him beside me. And Tio too, he's a very good son, though I sometimes got so irritated with him for the smallest reasons, but he's always being very good. I love you both so much.

So, most probably I'll go to the hospital by myself (paperworks have been taken care of during our last visit last Sunday) while Tio and papa will follow after lunch. As the operation is scheduled at 12.30.

Keep on counting down .... :)