We're busy with applying jobs in NZ... so far no positive response yet
It feels so fast. I've been wanting to move to NZ when I was still single, after watching Lord of the Ring and found that the shooting was done in NZ. Just before Jeremy was born we lodged the application, thinking that it would take 5-6 years (as the process to become PR in Canada). We didn't expect that it's this fast.
Anyway. We're also planning for our Christmas trip to Singapore as we cannot go to Jakarta as papa's family will be traveling away anyway. So we have to at least see my side of the family for maybe it will be a long time before we will see each other again.
I'm going to NCS for at one time I had felt that I could not take my ancient emotional burden with me anymore. It really affected me so much and my relationships with my little family. I feel that it's useful. It's as if now I really have room for my little family, a room that had previously been taken by the negative feelings. The first session was hard, I was so dizzy after that. I don't know how my counselor did that, all she did was listening and affirming my feelings. Anyway, hope I can still improve myself for the sake of my little family. 

A new development in our NZ visa application, papa was interviewed via phone. The notification letter come few weeks ago and today is the appointed date. We were both nervous. Papa did some research and I contacted my friends in NZ. In my opinion it went well, papa sounded calm and answered the questions clearly. Well, we'll have to wait for another 3 weeks to know the result.

My life now: wake up at 07.00 or later :P (papa prepares the breakfast and Tio's lunch), take a bath, pack Tio's lunchbox and Jeremy's food, ride my bike with Jeremy around AIT sometime (to buy food and, rarely, feed the fish), go home, give Jeremy a bath, browse the internet while Jeremy is playing, prepare lunch for me and Jeremy. At 13.00 my maid comes, mops the floor, irons the clothes, washes the dishes. Usually Jeremy naps from 10.00-12.00 but when he wakes up late, he naps at 12.00 or later. Then 15.00 Tio goes home. Help Tio taking his bath, cook our dinner while my maid watch the kids (mostly Jeremy as Tio can play independently now). Take a shower, set the washing machine, remove the food from the electric stove and keep the stove away so my maid can do the dishes (our kitchen is so small that if I don't keep the stove and the food the water will spray on them). The kids get hungry at 16.30 so I feed Jeremy while my maid feed Tio (must admit, I let them watch movie coz Jeremy won't sit still even for just one minute without it). Then at 18.00 my maid goes home. I prepare my own dinner just before she goes home. Papa usually comes soon after or 1-2 hours later when he has training to take care of. Then at night after sweeping the house and washing the dishes, I take some me time watching movies (first was Desperate Housewives, then Pretty Little Liars, then Gladiator, then now I start watching Heroes, it's very gruesome, I didn't know it and I watched it while eating my lunch), I usually end up sleeping at 01.00.

Our maid is good and she has good chemistry with my kids, but somehow not with me. Oh well, I have to tolerate more because I've experienced the worse. It just won't work if the maid doesn't click with the kids. She comes on Mon-Fri. On weekends I sweep and mop the house and clean the bathroom while papa iron the clothes.



Tio will have his graduation on 28 June and he will perform "If we hold on together" with his friends ;)) my big boy is going to kindergarten now. Then he will join summer school which is arranged by some of the mothers (because the school won't arrange any this time). Let's see how it goes

I had been kinda down recently. I felt like I was a failure in about everything, in being a person. Well, wrote it all off to a trusted friend and he suggested that I need to count my blessings more. I started doing that, on and off, but it started to change me. I hope it will last long.

He also said that I need to see the positive side of everything, even in things like Jeremy's crying which is often, long and inconsolable ;)) At first I almost laughed it off, what good could come from it. But suddenly it hit me (when Jeremy was in one of his crying bouts), that by habitually control my emotion when Jeremy is crying (cos Jeremy would scream even more when I or his daddy gets emotional), I can also improve my self control when Tio is crying.

I have to admit it and apologise to Tio, that whenever he cried when he was small I, or sometimes his daddy, would get so emotional that we didn't really help Tio venting off his emotion. Hope I am not too late in changing myself. I've caused much damage to my lovely eldest. Yet he's still so sweet to me. I feel like I don't deserve it.  

19 Oct went to Indo

9 Dec went back to Bangkok, stayed at Center Point Apt. Tio wanted to go back to Abloom. Center Point is ok, but Abloom is better. The room in Abloom was bigger, and the bathroom was so comfy, no bathtub but it was so easy to give bath to Jeremy. In CP I had to put J's bath tub inside the big bath tub and it's so inconvenient esp because J didnt want to sit most of the time, luckily my poor back did not give me any trouble. And in Abloom there was a washing machine operated using tokens. In CP I had to wash the laundry using J's bath tub by bending my back over the big bath tub.

10 Dec salvaging of AIT, so sad to see my house's condition. I broke into tears when I saw J's teddy bear all ruined. We went to look for Jeremy's bed and stroller in Central Chidlom which is near CP

11 Dec papa went to look for apartment. Luckily Vineeta has already booked one room for us. Otherwise we would not get this nice, clean, brand new, affordable and very near to school room. The room is a studio room, costs us 5,000 this month and 6,500 per month starting next month.

We bought fridge, electric induction stove, cooking pan and sauce pans

12 Dec morning we bought Jeremy's play yard where he will sleep in and new stroller that can be used for koko and J. Papa went to the new apt in the afternoon to receive the fridge etc that we bought the day before.

13 Dec at 13.00 checked out from CP. Then we moved to the new apartment. Jeremy slept when we were near the apt and continued sleeping in the apt. I took it as a good sign :)

When we first moved to CP Jeremy was cranky, but after some time he's back to normal again. Then now again he's a bit cranky. Hope he'll be ok soon

The room is nice and clean, I have space to wash and hang the laundry (no space for washing machine), and to give bath to Jeremy. There's water heater, but no wash basin and no space for cooking, it's a bit difficult washing the dishes in the bathroom sink. Things that can be improved: the bathroom floor is so flat that water spread everywhere instead of flowing directly to the drainage and there's no height difference between the shower part and the dry part. The lift and common washing machine are not operating yet and there's the noise from the builders' activity as the apt building is not yet 100% finished, and right outside the building the road is small and a lot of traffic, many stray dogs and their poo poo are scattered everywhere, no park or garden for the kids to play with. Anyway, I like staying in here and the children are ok too.

17 Jan 2011

still I like the place, though it's too small to keep our things and there's so much dust (sometimes I think that's why we cough so much these days)....the best things are that the room is clean and so close to Tio's school

- We went to Garuda office, packed our things and the next day, on 19 Oct we flew to Jakarta, we left some things with my very kind ex-boss who live near the airport -

The flood story has turned into a nightmare for me. On the 20 Oct I still saw pictures of my house with only 50 cm of water in front of it. And some friends also informed me that the building was still safe.
On 21 Oct morning the situation was more or less the same. But on the night of 21 Oct the nightmare came. The water almost reached the bottom part of the old aircon which is still installed in my bedroom. How my heart broke to see it. And to see other parts of AIT campus which are also submerged... to remember my happy days in that house, in those rooms... in that campus... how my boys' laughter had rung there.... how Tio learned to walk, to play, to ride bicycle there....
now we have no home to go back to... our things, though not much in monetary value but choked full with memories, are gone.... the water is expected to stay for around 4 weeks... and after that what? we can't possibly stay in that house... farms and factories are submerged... diseases will spread....
I still don't know what to do... I love my house.. I love AIt .. I love Thailand... and I'm not ready to leave the little piece of heaven that I had enjoyed for the last 12 years...

Till now, even the sight of Thai products (Tipco juice, Glico, etc) and fruit (longan, etc.) reduce me into tears...

- pic of my lovely home in its sad condition... the one at the corner, ground floor-

Thailand has been flooded for months this year. The first impact we felt was that our maid asked to go home earlier since there was news that her house would be flooded in another 2 hours.

We thought we were safe, it was in another province. We invited her and her son to stay with us in case they had to evacuate. But turned out that we had to evacuate ourselves

We had been keeping our belongings and moved some to papa's office which is on the 2nd floor, but not all and not yet ready to evacuate. A Thai friend called that Friday night 14 Oct and told us that a water gate broke, AIT and TU issued evacuation orders. So in panic we packed our things and moved to a serviced apartment in Bangkok (which turned out to be very nice, better than my expectation ;))) the kids have also been enjoying our stay

AIT was safe that night, so the next day we went back to AIT to get some more things, wash our clothes and back to Bangkok. The next day we went outing to Paragon and Villa Market. The next day we stayed at the apartment. The next day papa went back to AIT to get some more stuffs as the situation got worse around AIT. AIT is still safe (no water) till now but the areas surrounding it are already inundated. So we don't know for how long AIT will stay safe and if we are inside we won't be able to go out should we need something

Timothy has runny nose as usual, but Jeremy got sick with cold. The night before he cried so much that we got worried. Then last night he vomited and has been having blocked nose and cried again

We'd looked for apartment which is more affordable for 1 month stay in Bangkok. But now there's the news that Bangkok governor said Bangkok has 48 hours to prepare for flood
So we decided to go to Jakarta for 2 weeks

Jeremy and Timothy - the first weeks

The first night was difficult, Jeremy demanded to be fed continuously for almost 4 hours, leaving me with very sore nipples
For the next few days I had pain all over my body, from head to toe: swollen feet, sore incision wound, cracked nipples, cough, eye discharge (but doctor said it's not the contagious type as my scleras were not red)

Jeremy really looks like Timothy. Papa found pics of Timothy and when we put their pics together the resemblance is just so obvious

Jeremy is more graceful when being breastfed. According to "What to expect the 1st year" he is more of the "gourmet" type, while Timothy is the "barracuda". Jeremy would taste the nipple, smack his lips and then gracefully suckle. While Timothy would immediately charge and chase when being presented with nipple.

Jeremy can stop sucking when the breastmilk is overflowing (let down) and let the milk drips down his chin. I don't remember Timothy doing that. But both are choked and cough because the milk flow is just too much

Jeremy doesn't like to be held upright or sat down for burping. He would push his head backward so we have to hold him lying down again. Just like Timothy, he would remove the gloves or socks we put on him within 2 minutes. Both of them don't like being swaddled. Jeremy would kick and moan and try to pull his hands out.

Tio is a baby who follows text books, we can find the solutions for the problems we had with him in the books and usually the solutions work well. Or maybe because this time we didn't really have time to read all the books in advance nor when problems happened.

On the first check up at 1 week old Jeremy was suspected to have jaundice and doctor asked to get his blood tested for bilirubin level. If it's >15 then the baby has to undergo light treatment. Luckily Jeremy's was 9.8, which is lower than the threshold level of 10.
Doctor said the continuous feeding because he received nutrition all the time when he was in the womb, or maybe inadequate breastmilk. I think it's the first one :D coz I grazed when I was pregnant.
As for my checkup doctor said all's ok, the waterproof-bandage was removed and he taught hubby how to remove the "magictape"-like bandage which should be easily removed after shower.

Timothy takes all the changes well. But he clung to my sister when she and my mom were visiting. And he acted up too maybe because he knew he had other people to turn on to when his parents are upset. I realized I'm too emotional with him and had to tell myself all the time to calm down, though often times I failed. I really have to be kinder with him.

Hubby has been kinder to Timothy and now he has to take full time care of Timothy. I help when Jeremy is sleeping. Sometimes the timing was right, I could help Timothy when he needed me. But sometimes this happens: breastfeeding-poo-change of clothes-wake up-more breastfeeding-pee-change of clothes-wake up-more breastfeeding-poo-change of clothes-wake up...it could take more than one hour.

After all the convenience of taking care of a 3 yo boy, these changes are hard to take. But I just keep telling myself that this too will pass ;))

Welcome to the world, Jeremy Aadithya Prajogo

While it's still fresh on my mind :)

So on D-1 our dear friend, Vineeta, came to visit me. She was busy too with some matters but still she offered to help and bring me to the hospital. And so kindly she, her husband and daughter stayed on and accompany Agus and Tio till the evening. May God bless her and her family.

So at 8.30 we went to the hospital. I was sent to the labor room. Same procedure followed: cleaning of the abdomen, enema and starting of IV. This time the enema was not so painful as before as I was already prepared. Then I had to wait till 12.00. The nurse urged me to ask hubby to come so he could keep my belongings and sign the paper for Tubal Ligation.

At around 12.00 hubby and Tio came. Then I was brought to the OR. Actually I didn't want Tio to see me wheeled on a stretcher like that. I was afraid he would be frightened by the sight. He almost cried and said "I want to go with you" but I think he was finally diverted, thank God, because Vineeta's daughter was there (2 y.o., and Tio likes to play with her).

This time the anesthetist was a man, he's kind and speaks gently and assured me that everything will be ok, just a little bit painful and there might be some itch or nausea as the side effects. So unlike the one during Tio's birth (she was rude and told me I was not being cooperative therefore she gave me general anesthesia). My Ob-gyn has assured me that he would choose another one this time. I think he understands our feeling toward the previous anesthetist.

So I waited in the OR for some time until my Ob-gyn came (he has consultation session till 12.00). Then everything moved so fast. The spinal block was administered in less than five minutes, the curtain was draped in front of me and my legs got numb. I was given oxygen and told to take deep breaths at first and then told to breathe normally. Then the doctor prick my abdomen for testing and I didn't feel anything. In another minute the anesthetist told me that the Ob-gyn was already doing the operation and in few minutes I heard his cries. So loud and so sweet in my ears.... tears came flooding in my eyes and I saw him, so small and looks like Tio when he was born (though I didn't see Tio at all till he was 1 day old, coz of the general anesthesia). The doctor took a picture of the swollen face mom and the sweet baby and showed me after the operation was finished. Jeremy weighed 2.860 kgs and 48 cms long. Smaller than Tio :)

Then I was brought to the Recovery Room to sleep off the effect of the anesthesia for 2 hours. My legs were still numb till the evening. And I had to take full bedrest that evening, but had to change positions (alternating between lying on my back, my left and right sides). It took some efforts as the numbing effect wore off.

This morning, the nurse took off the catheter, and then the IV. I could already drink water at 06.00, ate porridge at 08.00 and walk soon afterward. They gave me painkiller pills too. So I finally met Jeremy again. He felt so small in my arms, I think much smaller than Tio and so far he seems to be more calm too, while Tio is very active :) He sucks gently and looks very graceful when trying to find the nipple, while Tio was more like a barracuda in chasing the nipple :)

On the more gross matters, the lochia did not come out until this morning. I was worried but the nurse said it was ok. It was because the doctor cleaned the site thoroughly. I could already pass urine at around noon though BM will have to wait till later as no solids were allowed yesterday.

I had to drink a lot of liquid and I took Molocco to fasten breastmilk production as the doctors and nurses seem to worry that if we didn't give anything to the baby the side effects will be bad (hypoglycemia, reduced IQ, etc.). So we decided to let the hospital to give Jeremy totally hydrolysated formula on the first day. But today I asked them to call me when he's hungry.

Tio's been ok so far. Yesterday he was diverted as he had Bavinee to play with and today he went to Future PArk for his usual Gymboree class with his daddy, my mom and my sister. We tried to keep his routine as much as usual. I gave him some small presents too (book and a 25 Baht toy car :D)

Counting down to our 2nd son's birth

Just would like to record how it feels and what happens

Compared to Tio's birth, this time around there are more of the preparations and apprehension. Tio's birth was scheduled on 11 June, but when I went to the hospital to check about the spotting I experienced on the night of 5 June, I was immediately told to have the operation that morning. This time, we are looking at the date 16 October, planning and worrying about what will happen, what arrangement will be best for Tio, how we will cope with the 4 days of me being away from him. As for me, knowing what to expect (the procedure before the operation, the operation itself and what follows) somehow makes me more apprehensive.... when I gave birth to Tio, I had read a lot about it beforehand, but nothing compares to experience the process itself.

We've got a new fulltime helper in mid of Sept. It was good that my previous helper (part time) asked to resign as she found a new job then. It gave time for Tio to know our new helper better. She's good with him and they clicked. Though Tio still doesn't let anyone else but me to dress him up, help him showering and he still asks me to bring him to school (with our helper alongside him, as he's fond of riding his own bike, and rides it so fast too, and I cannot catch up with him anymore during these last few months). But Tio doesn't mind being picked up from school by her alone. She let him ride his bike fast and she does not scold him as much as his mom does :D guess he may even be happier when mom's not picking him up. I'm also happy with her work around the house. Coming from me, a very picky "madam", it's a high compliment :)

We started preparing clothes etc. since mid of Sept too, as we also moved house on 6 Sept and had to fix things etc. after that. But I got less time to read and find more info about what to prepare etc. Actually I got time, but I also want to catch up with my reading (plan to finish reading Harry Potter the series :D but still stuck at the Order of the Phoenix) and watching Desperate Housewives (finished watching Season 6) and Twilight 1 & 2. I also want to spend some time with Papa :) as maybe we won't have much time alone after this.

Tio's been having cold and cough and last week discharge in the eyes, on and off, since he started school. It's rather hard on him and on us too and we're also worried that his brother may catch some of it from Tio. But we can worry about it later.

Papa had some early baby blues, he's worried about me and about Tio. Somehow I got upset when he told me about this, maybe because it made my worries became more real. I know I shouldn't have and I have to try and be a better wife for him, as he's a perfect husband to me. I'm so thankful of having him beside me. And Tio too, he's a very good son, though I sometimes got so irritated with him for the smallest reasons, but he's always being very good. I love you both so much.

So, most probably I'll go to the hospital by myself (paperworks have been taken care of during our last visit last Sunday) while Tio and papa will follow after lunch. As the operation is scheduled at 12.30.

Keep on counting down .... :)

Papa's note on Tio's birth

Di ruang operasi…
Perasaan tegang banget sewaktu masuk ke ruang operasi. Christine sudah dibawa masuk terlebih dahulu ke operating theatre no. 8, sedangkan aku disuruh bersiap siap, mengenakan baju hijau, topi dan masker mulut, dan disuruh duduk di ruang tunggu. Dan ketika suster mengajak masuk ke operating theatre, rasanya sudah engga karuan. Aku melihat Christine, dibius total – padahal dokter bilang sewaktu konsultasi kalau pakai bius lokal – dikelilingi dokter ob-gyn, pediatrician, anesthetician, dan beberap nurse. Aku disuruh duduk di kursi disebelah Christine, cuman engga bisa apa apa soalnya si anesthetician bilang: Don’t touch anything. Don’t move your hand. Don’t move your leg (galak banget ga sih? – sebel).

Engga terlalu lama, dokter ob-gyn berhasil mengeluarkan bayinya. Baru tahu saat itu kalau bayinya kalung usus. Jadi ada perasaan bersyukur juga, soalnya ada yang bilang melahirkan normal untuk bayi yang kalung usus mempunyai resiko yang besar terhadap bayinya...

Begitu bayinya keluar (pukul 12:01) dan dipotong tali pusat-nya, terus oleh pediatrician bayi tersebut dibawa ke meja observasi, dibersihkan hidung dan tenggorokannya, test APGAR dan lain sebagainya. Pertama kali melihat bayi tersebut, badannya berwarna merah kebiru-biruan hampir abu abu. Sekilas timbul pertanyaan, normalkah baby ini? apakah ada yang salah? Kenapa koq warna badannya seperti itu? Tapi setelah semua cairan dibersihkan dari hidung dan tenggorokan, dan baby mulai menangis kencang, maka secara perlahan warna badannya berubah menjadi merah. Kemudian bayi diselimutin dan aku disuruh menggendong bayi tersebut untuk dibawa ke nursery – untuk dicheck lebih lanjut – rasanya seperti mimpi. Semua kekuatiran, ketakutan, was was, hilang, dan berubah menjadi rasa syukur karena baby lahir dengan selamat dan sempurna, bangga (I’m a father now!) dan bahagia ketika suster memberi selamat… He is surely the most precious gift that the Lord gave to us.

Mama’s note on baby Tio’s birth

(written around 1 year back)

It seems that mama has lost the note mama wrote right after baby was born. And it’s been 2 years and 3 months now so mama better write another one before mama forget.

While staying inside mama’s tummy, baby Tio did not give any trouble at all. Mama did not experience morning sickness much (only 3 days out of 9 months), mama could eat anything, could smell anything. Baby Tio started to actively moving after the 5th month (?) and often mama & papa felt baby Tio hiccuping inside.

So mama & papa had been expecting that baby Tio could be delivered normally. But 2 weeks before the due date the doctor said that mama’s amniotic fluid was low so mama most probably would deliver by Cesarean section.

So baby Tio was scheduled to be born on 9 Jun 2007, but on 5 Jun mama had spottings. The next day mama and papa went to the hospital just to check, thinking that the time had not yet come. But then after some fetal monitoring the doctor decided that mama had to deliver on that day. So mama was told to change mama’s clothes, shaved and told to wait while the nurse checking on the baby. Papa was outside and mama would actually loved to have him beside her. Then suddenly without warning the nurse administered enema (so mama could poo and had the bowel clean before the operation). Oh it was really a pain in the a**!

Then mama was brought to the operation room where it was cold. But it was not like what mama had imagined (like what mama saw in movies). Then the anesthetist tried to inject the epidural and mama had to curl on mama’s side but she could not find the right location and she said that mama was not being cooperative. OMG, it was painful and mama did wince everytime the needle was inserted, so mama didn’t know how to be cooperative. So finally mama was given general anesthetic. They asked mama to inhale inside a mask and suddenly mama was deeply asleep.

So the process was lost to mama. Mama woke up because the anesthetist called mama rudely. And then mama was transferred to the room. Mama went to the hospital at around 11.00, was operated at 12.01 and woke up at around 13.30. But it was not until the next day that mama met Tio, coz mama was told to stay in the bed and not allowed to eat. They brought mama to nurse Tio. Tio was so small, red, with very fine hair and blinking his eyes slowly. He was the most beautiful baby mama had ever seen. Mama was afraid to touch and move Tio so mama had to call the nurse when changing position. Mama learned how to give Tio formula through a cup. Mama did not really think about exclusive breastfeeding that time but mama does not think that the few cups given to Tio on those first few days matter much. Mama also learned how to clean Tio’s belly button and to give Tio bath.

So Tio stayed in the baby room from 6-8 Jun. Tio had so many visitors, mama and papa’s friends. Then on 8 Jun Tio was allowed to stay with mama. Mama and papa learned how to change Tio’s diaper and clothes. Then on 9 Jun Tio went home with mama and papa by a taxi. Tio wore Piyo-piyo shirt and pants and a matching receiving blanket. He looked like a bundle and mama and papa called Tio “our bundle of joy”.

Updates

Lots of things been going on

Been anxious for sometimes because of Tio's idiopathic urticaria, a friend said that her eldest daughter was continuously sick when my friend was pregnant with her 2nd child. It seemed to be the case with Tio, hope it'll go away when I give birth :)

Been busy with NZ application coz we'd been stalling it for quite some time esp during the riots in Bangkok, as we couldn't go to the places where the required documents can be processed. We had to ask for extension of the deadline.

Am currently busy with Tio's starting to school and moving to a new room because our current room is infested by termites that destroyed some of our things :( I can't do much about the moving though and it makes me feel restless and a bit useless. Pity my hubby who has to do it again. Last time we moved our room too when I was 6 months pregnant with Tio.

Pregnancy is ok, entering 32nd week. The baby is a bit quiet compared to Tio who moved a lot inside my tummy. But maybe because I move a lot now, before I sat a lot at the office and at home I could sit or lie down whenever I want. Now I barely have time to sit quietly.

can i?

dapat tawaran bisnis dr temanku, masukin baju2 ke indo
aku blank tp temenku udah pengalaman, jd ky nya sih lumayan krn dia dah ada channel dsb
antara yakin dan gak yakin klo bisa

si kecil gak bisa ditinggal
hubby kadang2 ke luar kota/ negeri, sedang aku gak bisa pergi belanja sendirian kan

terpikir sewa pembantu pocokan utk bantuin pas belanja.. mungkin bisa

tadi survey, hmm awalnya agak gak enak, kena macet krn sopir taxi gak ambil jalan tol yg lebih deket ke mall tujuan, abis gitu diturunin di seberang jalan krn macet itu, sedang si kecil lagi poo poo. Untung deket situ ada hotel jd numpang deh di WC nya, lumayan... lega dan bersih hehehe

Lihat sana lihat sini kynya dah dapet gambaran yg mau dibeli apa

Dipajekin donat dan es krim ama si kecil, sedang ortunya spt biasa harus beli kopi

Abis gitu pulangnya susah cari taxi, dapet supir taxi yg rada gila... salah jalan kok emosi..... ya emang kita jg meleng tp kan bukan gitu jg caranya... orang bayar jg, bukan gratisan....

hmmm anyway lesson learned, ky nya mending sewa taxi pulang pergi aja biar gampang... hope things will go smoothly

about a 2nd child

We've discussed about this few times before. And we are both still not sure whether it will be wise to have a 2nd child. There are so many things to be considered. I do not care much about what other people say or think, coz they won't be the one paying for my child(ren) tuition fees nor be there e.g. when the children throw tantrum.

Anyway, time is running out, I'll be 35 soon enough, so I decided that I should get a checkup today and then we would be in a better position to decide. So everything's ok. There's no problem with my vaccination. And even though I've gained quite a lot of weight after giving birth (and being a stay at home mom), there's nothing wrong with my blood pressure. As regards my family history of diabetes, the doctor said that as I did not develop gestational diabetes during my 1st pregnancy, the chance is good that I will not develop DM later in life (but I think I still have to be careful about this), so I do not need to be tested for DM. I'd planned not to get pap smear this time but the doctor took a sample anyway, so ok, next week I'll get the result.

I just want to write down the pros and cons from my point of view, for my own review

PROs

* Tio is getting almost 100% of our attention now and I think having a sibling would do him good, that he will learn to share with and care for his sibling, they will have squabbles and I think it will be good for both of them too (provided we do things right as parents)

* Tio will have someone to play with and grow up together with, and later in life, maybe someone to talk with or share problems with (again, provided we do our things right as parents). I and my sister do not talk much and do not care much about each other, and I know many others who don't, but I know that it could have been different. Though it's still very far in the future I'm thinking of the time when Tio will get married or when his parents are old. We'll be old enough, in our 60s) by the time he's in his 30s. Having a close relative to share his burden with will be a relieve, I hope.

CONs

I am not sure whether I will be able to manage with two children, physically, mentally, financially.

* We can enroll Tio to the nursery for most part of the morning, but that does not really solve the problem. We still have to wisely manage to share our love and attention for each child (which is now seems impossible, it feels like 100% of our love is only for him).

* Tio is not a difficult child, but as a child he had his moments when he really tried my patience. I'm afraid that my impatience and anger really cause damage to the child(ren). This is the hardest part of being a parent to me, moreover I'm afraid that I would do as my parents did and end up being just like them.

* Also his night waking, when he wakes up crying during the first few hours of his sleep, it will be difficult for us to let him sleep alone in another room. Till now he's co-sleeping with us, in another bed, but when another baby comes it will be better for everyone if we move him to another room.

* Having a child means I have to stay at home for another, at least 2.5 yrs. I have difficulty trusting other people to care for my child (as I am not easily satisfied with someone else's quality of work and standard of hygiene). Learning from my experience with Tio, which I still really regret, that he was given expressed milk heated on stove top while it was stored in plastic bag. I still feel angry about this but there's nothing I can do except just hoping that this will not have any negative effect on him. I don't really mind staying at home as I'm a homebody and I have chance to improve my cooking and baking skill. But I also want to get some income. Two things I miss the most from my "previous life" are being able to go to the gym every other day and facial care every week :), well but I try to get the next best things, by taking a walk around the house and doing my own facial care.

:) anyway, he and I need to do some more talking about this

Home alone (with Tio of course :D)

Hmmm last month DH was away for 3 weeks. He went to Laos, first for 1 week in which he gave training in Vientiane, then he was home for the weekend and went to Luang Prabang as he participated in a training.

I had worried about these 3 weeks. He had gone to Nepal for 1 week in June before Tio's bday and been away for shorter periods before, but not 3 weeks. I was sure that I could manage the daily chores but was not sure how it would feel to be alone for 3 weeks. Turned out we survived. The hardest parts were being always on the siege while doing the chores, having to take a bath while he's sleeping (and then worrying that he would wake up when I was in the bathroom) and having even limited amount of adult talk :D

Now DH is again away in Indonesia for 1 week... having conquered the 3 weeks separation, this time it feels easier. Anyway I'm still looking forward to our trip to Indonesia.... then we can have him 24 hours with us (minus the time for his big family, of course) :D

Today, 3 years ago

I'm thankful for you...
we have our ups and downs...
but today, again I am reminded, how lucky I am to have you beside me

being a mom

other than the changes in my daily routine, being a mom also makes me re-think of the way I think about myself and my relationships with others.

- I found that I am not as patient as I appeared to be (and I'd like to think of myself as reasonably patient too, in my toddler-free era :D), I lose my cool rather easily, esp. when Tio is acting up when I'm sleepy, am busy doing something, or am uneasy about something else

- of course it affect my relationship with hubby, I don't have much time to take care of him, nor as much attention as before... we barely can talk as we were both exhausted after Tio sleeps and sometimes we slept before he did (he was lying on the bed, drowsy but still awake) :D.

- my relationships with my own mom and my in-laws... we did not have much to be in touch before, but now that Tio is here, the interest is there.... it's true what they say in the books, it's something like "baby brings the grandparents (and other relatives) closer, and their baggage (incl. emotional baggage), this can be positive or negative"..... I don't have any problem with my in-laws (as it is agreed between me and hubby that we take care of comments or problems caused by our respective side of the family), but I do have problems with my own mom....

- my relationship with the helper/ nanny, of course I did not need any helper before, I could do everything by myself, I could clean up the whole house by myself and even had time to read or do something else I enjoy... but now I need one and I don't really like it coz I have a high standard for everything and most helpers can't meet my standard, i did compromise on this, but combined with other things my dislike to the helper grows even more and more :P.....and I never had any helper in the house before.... and it's difficult to find one who can understand and follow my principles in parenting....esp. if she's senior.... I think I should try to live without one.....others can do it, why can't I

- my relationships with other parents, esp during playdates... toddler can't be expected to share all the time (with Tio right now, not at all :D), to behave well, to understand that mommy has needs and has to do other things when he wants to go outside or to his friend's house..... I still don't know what to do when we are at Tio's friend's house to play or when other kids are here to play..... and I have to do small talks more often now coz other parents or even strangers in the shopping mall talked to me about babies etc. (I like this part, though)

My life today

Ehm... another update
Beberapa waktu lalu I was surprised to find that someone is following this blog. I don't think my life is interesting and my writing is even less so. Hehehe, maybe he'd mistaken this blog with someone else's blog?

Kali ini mo curhat n nulis aja ttg my daily life with Tio, ky nya yg lalu2 udah aku tulis... yg sekarang aja deh aku tulis....

Gak terasa sejak aku resign dari kerja, berat badanku jd naik drastis... yah emang sejak Tio lahir aku makannya gak dijaga... belakangan tambah gila2an aja... dng berbagai alasan
- makan biar ASI lancar
- makan sekarang yg kenyang (banget) krn gak tahu kapan lagi sempat makan (soalnya most of the time Tio will not let me be away from him, esp when I leave him with his nanny. If he's with his daddy, I can have some free time)

Tanpa kerja kantor berarti aku cuma di rumah aja, gak ada naik turun tangga, gak ada naik sepeda ke kantor.... makin parah deh.... trus aku gak berani nimbang dulu2... trus lihat foto (aku jarang banget foto, sadar klo gak fotogenik sih) shock kok aku jadi lebar banget....abis gitu nimbang makin shock deh... beratku sama dng berat terberat pas hamil

It's nobody else's fault but me....dasar doyan makan... begitu dapet excuse langsung deh diumbar....

Seminggu belakangan ini aku coba diet dikit (tapi masih 95% gagal) dan olahraga jalan pagi 20 menit... maunya sih ditingkatkan, tapi gak tahu bisa gak ya mengingat Tio klo bangun selalu cari aku.....

Dulu sebelum hamil kan aku rajin fitness... abis tahu hamil bingung mo di-freeze membershipnya atau di-terminate aja... tadinya mikir mo di-freeze aja (tetep bayar partial utk keep the membership) soalnya liat ada temen abis nglahirin bisa fitness... tapi ternyata gak segampang itu :P klo ASI sih bisa diperes sebelum pergi, tapi gak tega ninggalin Tio berdua aja ama bapaknya... sekarang pun masih....

My daily activities now

0630 wake up (papa has to wake me up, otherwise I'll sleep the morning away till Tio wakes up), bantu2 papa kerjain kerjaan rumah dikit
0700 jalan
0730 paling lambat, udah pulang
Tio bangun
suapin makan sambil nonton komputer
mandiin Tio
aku mandi
main ama Tio
1100 masak
1200 papa pulang, makan siang
1400 Tio tidur, aku bisa internetan atau tidur jg klo cape
1630 bawa Tio jalan/ kantor papa/ ke playground
1700 papa pulang
Tio makan
Tio mandi
aku mandi
main ama Tio
2230 atau 2300 paling lambat Tio tidur
aku sekarang tidur jg atau setrika baju Tio klo nanny lagi libur
dulu malem2 bisa internetan atau ngerjain job2an
sekarang lagi gak ada job... gak belain tidur malem/ subuh deh
tidur malem jg salah satu pemicu kenaikan berat badan
jd sekarang I'm lagging behind in my social life deh
coz my social life is virtual :P... I think I better start socializing in real life again....

Tio drove us insane today. He ate so little at lunch, didn't want to take his nap, but he was cranky and so whiny in the afternoon. I feel so exhausted.

Lately I couldn't find much me-time. I don't have time for social activities (incl. arisan YM :D, blog/ diary/ FB walking :D) he's so full of energy and always wants my attention.

Yesterday I and kangmas just discussed about a second child (thanks to the late coming of my period, maybe now I have 37-38 days cycle?). We agree to start trying when Tio is 2 y.o. so I start taking folic acid now and I suggested him to take it too. I will start looking for info again on what to prepare for pregnancy (vaccination, medical tests to take, etc.)

Well but today got me thinking again.... it's so exhausting raising one child.... can we manage with two? I couldn't help lashing out at Tio too earlier today. If one child can provoke me that much, how about if there are two?

Something else just crossed my mind. 1-2 years ago there was a Canadian student here, he's kind of standing out among the crowd because of his height and his acts. We often saw him coz we frequented the same food vendor. We didn't think he took any notice of us. So we were surprised that one day he approached us and talked to us. He said his ancestor was Indian (as in the native people of America) and he has the gift of seeing people's spirit. He said that both I and my husband are tiger people. We have the spirit of tiger. It's not something related to our Chinese/ Western zodiac, he said. He said we are strong but we will have territorial problem should we meet with other tigers. Well.... I admit that both I and my husband are strong and hard headed. I'm kind of afraid that we would act too hard to our children and affect them.....

For sure Tio brings us unmeasurable joy and another child will bring more joy.... but I'm worried that I will do things all wrong and damage these beautiful gifts.....

Mo ngomel ajah

Pengen ngomel ajah ttg tetangga yg kebangsaannya laen (B********h)

Anaknya (2th ++) sehari2 dibiarin aja berkeliaran di rumah2 tetangga (kami tinggal di semacam dormitory, dimana 6 rumah berjajar2 dan pintu masuk saling terhubung dng teras yg memanjang)

Mereka punya pembantu tapi cuek sekalih, si pembantu ini punya grup (mereka bukan orang Thai, kynya sodaraan atau at least satu desa) dimana salah satunya aku tahu suka ngeceng, tiap kali liat pasti lagi telpon sambil "mengasuh" anak momongannya (i.e. anak itu dibiarin di stroller, kepanasan atau deket dng orang yg lagi motong rumput pake lawnmower!!! sementara dia asyik telpon). Pembantu tetanggaku ini gak peduli anak asuhnya ada dimana. Tapi gimana gak gitu, wong mamanya sendiri aja cuek.

Jadi si anak ini sering keliaran di depan rumah2 tetangga tanpa celana, pernah ngompol di depan rumahku, pernah poo poo di depan rumah tetangga lain yg orang filipin. Waktu ngompol di depan rumah aku telp tuh rumahnya, kebetulan ada bapaknya jd si pembantu disuruh bersihin bekasnya di depan rumahku.

Bapaknya kerja di lain negara. Jd sehari2 hanya bertiga ama mama dan pembantunya. Si mama pernah bilang ama aku bhw dia selama hari kerja udah capek kerja jadi kalo pulang rumah dan weekend maunya santai. Aku gak terlalu perhatian waktu itu karena rumahnya jauh dari rumahku. Setelah mereka pindah jd tetanggaku baru aku ngerti maksudnya. I cannot help judging her. Yah, aku jg gak munafik ada pengen jg punya "me time", pengen santai kadang dan suka kesel jg klo Tio gak mau tidur2. Tapi ky nya si temenku ini bener2 cuek deh. Yah klo udah punya anak mana bisa spt itu, anaknya diumbar, dilepas berkeliaran. I mean, come on.... kamu udah punya anak, entah direncanakan atau tidak, dia udah lahir, udah jd tanggung jawabmu utk mendidik & merawat dia. Gak bisa dooong kalo pengen bener2 bertingkah as if you were single.

Kata kangmas (yg pernah diundang masuk waktu dia sama Tio) sih di rumahnya banyak sekali mainan. Mungkin itu caranya mengungkapkan kasih sayang?

Anak ini belum bisa ngomong padahal udah sekolah, mamanya nyalahin itu karena keturunan dari bapaknya yg juga terlambat in everything :P ohhoooo yah klo gak pernah ada yg ngajarin ya gimana si anak mau ngomong.....

Kasihan sih si anak ini, tapi aku gak mungkin ajak dia masuk rumahku, wong gak ada pengasuhnya trus anak ini sering batuk, ingusan dan suka jilatin pintuku, i.e. mosquito net (eeewww)... aku kasihan tapi lebih pilih to protect my own offspring dong... daripada Tio sakit ketularan dia padahal bisa dihindari. Jadi sering terpaksa kita suruh pulang si anak kalo udah berdiri di depan pintu kita sambil jilat2 gitu. Abis si Tio jg pasti mendekat trus "ngobrol" ama dia dan suka pukul2an through the mosquito net gitu deh. Yah takut jg sih ngasih contoh gak baik (mengusir orang lain :P) tapi gimana yah...

Can't she put herself in other people's shoe? Udah tahu anak batuk sakit ingusan gitu kok dibiarin keliaran. Gimana coba kalo anaknya yg dideketin orang dng penyakit menular gitu. Atau mungkin dia gak peduli jg ya? Ohhh pokoknya lagi pengen ngomel ttg tetangga satu ini....